CGNews #90
Below is CG NEWS #90, sent out earlier this month by UU SGM Network president Diana Dorroh.
In this issue ---- A link to a UUA funding survey, Contributions from three CG News subscribers on extra-care-required or "difficult" members, an invitation to participate in and attend the SGM Network workshop at GA and, finally, an invitation to join your peers at the Mountain for a full-week conference, August 17 - 22.
Friends,
I welcome your contributions to this newsletter at any time. Please send your submissions to office@smallgroupministry.net
The SGM Network Board has been working during March on a strategic plan and shoring up our financial base. We meet by conference call every month. The nominating committee is currently looking for new Board and committee members. If you’d like to serve or to recommend someone, let us know at office@smallgroupministry.net . There are many wonderful projects we could do with more working members.
The Network is all about sharing. Send us your sessions and your ideas. If you'll be attending the UUA General Assembly in Fort Lauderdale in June, let us know if you have some time to work in the booth.
And finally, join the Network and make sure your congregation is a member. If you are a member, you have received copies of the Winter and Spring Quarterlies. The Winter Quarterly will be available soon on our website www.smallgroupministry.net, but you can receive the Spring Quarterly now if you send in your membership.
http://www.smallgroupministry.net/pdf/Membership%20Form.pdf
UU Small Group Ministry continues to allow ministry to more members by distributing that ministry to small group leaders. The leaders in turn ask their group members to minister to each other and the result is a magnification of healing ministry. The UU Small Group Ministry Network allows us to help each other achieve our ministry goals.
In faith, Diana
Diana Dorroh
225-766-2764
President, UU Small Group Ministry Network
Editor, CG News
CONTENTS
* ASSOCIATION 2008 FUNDING OPTIONS SURVEY
* MESSAGE FROM CLARE
* MESSAGE FROM JOAN FOSTER, HAMILTON ONTARIO CANADA
* FROM MARY ANN TERRY, ISLE OF PALMS, SC
* SMALL GROUP MINISTRY AT GENERAL ASSEMBLY, JUNE 25-29, FORT LAUDERDALE, FL
* SMALL GROUP MINISTRY INSTITUTE AT THE MOUNTAIN, August 17 - 22
====================
ASSOCIATION 2008 FUNDING OPTIONS SURVEY
Please consider following the link below to fill out the UUA's Association 2008 Funding Options Survey and indicating a high priority for the funding of small group ministry support. Funding for small group ministry is an option in the first question. A "1" means you give it the highest priority. Currently, there is no UUA funding for small group ministry. The Network is supported by its membership. We are currently working with interested UUA staff to create an effective working relationship between UUA staff and the Network. Funding UUA staff to work on small group ministry or funding the Network to hire staff to support small group ministry would be very helpful.
http://www.uua.org/giving/associationsunday/index.shtml
====================
MESSAGE FROM CLARE (last name omitted for confidentiality)
DEAR DIANA:
An experience I had with a difficult member of another group,(i.e. not the group I facilitate.):
A member was dominating one group with repeated recitation of woes, very repetitious and difficult for the other members. As Small Group Ministry coordinator I decided to invite that member to lunch with me for a talk. I told her I was concerned about her because I felt she was dealing with some very difficult problems. She at first was defensive as she said that I was the only one she had difficulty with. (She had gotten angry with me at a recent affair at church unrelated to SGM.) But I assured her I was not critical of her, I wanted to help if I could. She repeated the many problems with which she had been talking about for a year or more (as I already knew from other conversations with her in the past.)
She cried several times; we spent almost two hours together. She said she had been to counseling in the past and had been diagnosed with a social disorder but could no longer afford counseling. I then asked her whether she missed her Chalice Circle Group. She did not give me an answer for quite a time, talking about other things but finally said she thought she would not want to go to a group again until she had found a job. When lunch was over she seemed to be more relaxed and did express appreciation as she said I had been the only one who had noticed that she was having a difficult time. (Actually I was not, but perhaps was the only one who asked her to talk about it.)
(I had hesitated to announce a new group in the evening as I was afraid she would want to rejoin. At church she seems to be a bit more relaxed and both the minister and I agree that our SGM is not appropriate for her until she resolves some of her old problems where she has been stuck for a few years.) Unfortunately we know of no free clinical counseling in the valley...although more might develop along those lines as we pursue it.
Sincerely, Clare
====================
MESSAGE FROM JOAN FOSTER, HAMILTON ONTARIO CANADA
Or as we call them in Hamilton Ontario Canada."extra grace required"
members, always remembering that at any time, any of us can be in this
position. We have had occasion several times to deal with this issue.
Small groups must be reciprocal. When one individual is demanding too much
attention it can be extremely dangerous. The group may implode, other
members just giving up saying, "I didn't sign up for this!!".
In extreme cases the facilitator is in a tricky situation and may try
giving visual clues like not making eye contact after the person has had too
much air time. This, in my experience, has not been too effective. Self
involved persons don't tend to pick up on such signals and one of our "extra
grace" members was visually impaired.
In these instances a facilitator must not let the situation go on and on.
Approaching the member outside the group and having a discussion has worked
effectively. One skilled facilitator has said to the member, " Do you think
that we are meeting your needs in the group?" and letting the discussion
flow from there. Chances are it will at least open the door to a discussion
of the situation and even maybe a suggestion that maybe the person's needs
would best be met by therapy.
Always a delicate situation but by being assertive and confronting the
problem instead of pretending that it doesn't exist or will go away on its
own ( and maybe then the whole group leaves !!), is always helpful. It is
not ever easy having these discussions but how respectful, kind and loving
are we when we don't speak up. Inevitably, we start complaining behind the
person's back.
I have been involved in small group ministry for seven years now and I
still believe deeply in the power of these groups.
Hope this helps..
sincerely Joan Foster
====================
FROM MARY ANN TERRY, ISLE OF PALMS, SC
Those who Need extra care
A covenant group that had been together for four years took in a new member couple. The couple was soft spoken and shy at sharing in the group. They had been asked to participate by an old member. The group went through the usual procedure of meeting the new couple and inviting them to their group. This particular group had a history of liking to be a little radical Being different then the other covenant groups gave them a special feeling. It seems that this new couple’s quietness inspired one of the member’s “to rev them up”. The older member hoped that sharing his opinion more often and more strongly they would respond more readily. He continued to do this over the course of the evening and for several meetings. Sometimes his opinion became so strong and more insisitent that the other men in the group responded to him and followed suite. The facilitator, a gentle soul, was not able to say anything that would calm this repartee. She talked to his wife outside the meeting, but after talking to the leader of the covenant groups the leader decided to talk directly with the older member, privately and away from the group session When she did he acknowledged that he felt important in that group and wanted to have his opinion appreciated. He didn’t think that it was using up time and not respecting the new couples enjoyment of the group. In his way he was trying to encourage the other couple to share in the group – after they understood what he believed.
The facilitator at the beginning of the next meeting started the session by reviewing the guidelines for their group . They hadn’t looked at them for a long time. This helped for awhile to achieve some more equal sharing of feelings.
A year later the group discovered that this older member was diagnosed with Alzheimers. The group does try to work with him still and outside the group pay special attention to him. This gives him time to realize that he is valued.
====================
SMALL GROUP MINISTRY AT GENERAL ASSEMBLY, JUNE 25-29, FORT LAUDERDALE, FL
The Network workshop is “Strategies and Solutions for Small Group Ministry Challenges” with a focus “extra grace needed” participants and hidden cultural biases that impact small group ministry sessions.
Please send us your experiences with the possibility of having them shared in the workshop or used in articles for the next General Assembly Quarterly.
Also, consider spending an hour or two fielding questions about small group ministry in the UU Small Group Ministry Network booth. Slots are available between 11am, Wednesday June 25 and 1pm, Sunday June 29. The Board will provide you with a list of frequently asked questions.
Please e-mail us at office@smallgroupministry.net. We look forward to receiving your input.
====================
SMALL GROUP MINISTRY INSTITUTE
August 17 - August 22, 2008
The Mountain Retreat & Learning Centers, Inc.
The Highlands, North Carolina
An opportunity for teams and individuals from congregations of all sizes to learn and practice Small Group Ministry (SGM) with experienced practitioners and leaders. Sessions are designed for new and experienced program organizers, facilitators, ministers and congregational leaders. The week will include presentations, hands-on workshops, small group ministry experiences, sharing, networking, informal 'porch chats, worship - and time to enjoy what The Mountain has to offer!
Details and Registration
http://www.smallgroupministry.net/events/mountain.html
====================
Contatct the UU Small Group Ministry Network
UU SGM Network Office
General inquiries and submissions
Diana Dorroh, President
Rev. Helen Zidowecki, Secretary
Susan Hollister, Treasurer
In this issue ---- A link to a UUA funding survey, Contributions from three CG News subscribers on extra-care-required or "difficult" members, an invitation to participate in and attend the SGM Network workshop at GA and, finally, an invitation to join your peers at the Mountain for a full-week conference, August 17 - 22.
Friends,
I welcome your contributions to this newsletter at any time. Please send your submissions to office@smallgroupministry.net
The SGM Network Board has been working during March on a strategic plan and shoring up our financial base. We meet by conference call every month. The nominating committee is currently looking for new Board and committee members. If you’d like to serve or to recommend someone, let us know at office@smallgroupministry.net . There are many wonderful projects we could do with more working members.
The Network is all about sharing. Send us your sessions and your ideas. If you'll be attending the UUA General Assembly in Fort Lauderdale in June, let us know if you have some time to work in the booth.
And finally, join the Network and make sure your congregation is a member. If you are a member, you have received copies of the Winter and Spring Quarterlies. The Winter Quarterly will be available soon on our website www.smallgroupministry.net, but you can receive the Spring Quarterly now if you send in your membership.
http://www.smallgroupministry.net/pdf/Membership%20Form.pdf
UU Small Group Ministry continues to allow ministry to more members by distributing that ministry to small group leaders. The leaders in turn ask their group members to minister to each other and the result is a magnification of healing ministry. The UU Small Group Ministry Network allows us to help each other achieve our ministry goals.
In faith, Diana
Diana Dorroh
225-766-2764
President, UU Small Group Ministry Network
Editor, CG News
CONTENTS
* ASSOCIATION 2008 FUNDING OPTIONS SURVEY
* MESSAGE FROM CLARE
* MESSAGE FROM JOAN FOSTER, HAMILTON ONTARIO CANADA
* FROM MARY ANN TERRY, ISLE OF PALMS, SC
* SMALL GROUP MINISTRY AT GENERAL ASSEMBLY, JUNE 25-29, FORT LAUDERDALE, FL
* SMALL GROUP MINISTRY INSTITUTE AT THE MOUNTAIN, August 17 - 22
====================
ASSOCIATION 2008 FUNDING OPTIONS SURVEY
Please consider following the link below to fill out the UUA's Association 2008 Funding Options Survey and indicating a high priority for the funding of small group ministry support. Funding for small group ministry is an option in the first question. A "1" means you give it the highest priority. Currently, there is no UUA funding for small group ministry. The Network is supported by its membership. We are currently working with interested UUA staff to create an effective working relationship between UUA staff and the Network. Funding UUA staff to work on small group ministry or funding the Network to hire staff to support small group ministry would be very helpful.
http://www.uua.org/giving/associationsunday/index.shtml
====================
MESSAGE FROM CLARE (last name omitted for confidentiality)
DEAR DIANA:
An experience I had with a difficult member of another group,(i.e. not the group I facilitate.):
A member was dominating one group with repeated recitation of woes, very repetitious and difficult for the other members. As Small Group Ministry coordinator I decided to invite that member to lunch with me for a talk. I told her I was concerned about her because I felt she was dealing with some very difficult problems. She at first was defensive as she said that I was the only one she had difficulty with. (She had gotten angry with me at a recent affair at church unrelated to SGM.) But I assured her I was not critical of her, I wanted to help if I could. She repeated the many problems with which she had been talking about for a year or more (as I already knew from other conversations with her in the past.)
She cried several times; we spent almost two hours together. She said she had been to counseling in the past and had been diagnosed with a social disorder but could no longer afford counseling. I then asked her whether she missed her Chalice Circle Group. She did not give me an answer for quite a time, talking about other things but finally said she thought she would not want to go to a group again until she had found a job. When lunch was over she seemed to be more relaxed and did express appreciation as she said I had been the only one who had noticed that she was having a difficult time. (Actually I was not, but perhaps was the only one who asked her to talk about it.)
(I had hesitated to announce a new group in the evening as I was afraid she would want to rejoin. At church she seems to be a bit more relaxed and both the minister and I agree that our SGM is not appropriate for her until she resolves some of her old problems where she has been stuck for a few years.) Unfortunately we know of no free clinical counseling in the valley...although more might develop along those lines as we pursue it.
Sincerely, Clare
====================
MESSAGE FROM JOAN FOSTER, HAMILTON ONTARIO CANADA
Or as we call them in Hamilton Ontario Canada."extra grace required"
members, always remembering that at any time, any of us can be in this
position. We have had occasion several times to deal with this issue.
Small groups must be reciprocal. When one individual is demanding too much
attention it can be extremely dangerous. The group may implode, other
members just giving up saying, "I didn't sign up for this!!".
In extreme cases the facilitator is in a tricky situation and may try
giving visual clues like not making eye contact after the person has had too
much air time. This, in my experience, has not been too effective. Self
involved persons don't tend to pick up on such signals and one of our "extra
grace" members was visually impaired.
In these instances a facilitator must not let the situation go on and on.
Approaching the member outside the group and having a discussion has worked
effectively. One skilled facilitator has said to the member, " Do you think
that we are meeting your needs in the group?" and letting the discussion
flow from there. Chances are it will at least open the door to a discussion
of the situation and even maybe a suggestion that maybe the person's needs
would best be met by therapy.
Always a delicate situation but by being assertive and confronting the
problem instead of pretending that it doesn't exist or will go away on its
own ( and maybe then the whole group leaves !!), is always helpful. It is
not ever easy having these discussions but how respectful, kind and loving
are we when we don't speak up. Inevitably, we start complaining behind the
person's back.
I have been involved in small group ministry for seven years now and I
still believe deeply in the power of these groups.
Hope this helps..
sincerely Joan Foster
====================
FROM MARY ANN TERRY, ISLE OF PALMS, SC
Those who Need extra care
A covenant group that had been together for four years took in a new member couple. The couple was soft spoken and shy at sharing in the group. They had been asked to participate by an old member. The group went through the usual procedure of meeting the new couple and inviting them to their group. This particular group had a history of liking to be a little radical Being different then the other covenant groups gave them a special feeling. It seems that this new couple’s quietness inspired one of the member’s “to rev them up”. The older member hoped that sharing his opinion more often and more strongly they would respond more readily. He continued to do this over the course of the evening and for several meetings. Sometimes his opinion became so strong and more insisitent that the other men in the group responded to him and followed suite. The facilitator, a gentle soul, was not able to say anything that would calm this repartee. She talked to his wife outside the meeting, but after talking to the leader of the covenant groups the leader decided to talk directly with the older member, privately and away from the group session When she did he acknowledged that he felt important in that group and wanted to have his opinion appreciated. He didn’t think that it was using up time and not respecting the new couples enjoyment of the group. In his way he was trying to encourage the other couple to share in the group – after they understood what he believed.
The facilitator at the beginning of the next meeting started the session by reviewing the guidelines for their group . They hadn’t looked at them for a long time. This helped for awhile to achieve some more equal sharing of feelings.
A year later the group discovered that this older member was diagnosed with Alzheimers. The group does try to work with him still and outside the group pay special attention to him. This gives him time to realize that he is valued.
====================
SMALL GROUP MINISTRY AT GENERAL ASSEMBLY, JUNE 25-29, FORT LAUDERDALE, FL
The Network workshop is “Strategies and Solutions for Small Group Ministry Challenges” with a focus “extra grace needed” participants and hidden cultural biases that impact small group ministry sessions.
Please send us your experiences with the possibility of having them shared in the workshop or used in articles for the next General Assembly Quarterly.
Also, consider spending an hour or two fielding questions about small group ministry in the UU Small Group Ministry Network booth. Slots are available between 11am, Wednesday June 25 and 1pm, Sunday June 29. The Board will provide you with a list of frequently asked questions.
Please e-mail us at office@smallgroupministry.net. We look forward to receiving your input.
====================
SMALL GROUP MINISTRY INSTITUTE
August 17 - August 22, 2008
The Mountain Retreat & Learning Centers, Inc.
The Highlands, North Carolina
An opportunity for teams and individuals from congregations of all sizes to learn and practice Small Group Ministry (SGM) with experienced practitioners and leaders. Sessions are designed for new and experienced program organizers, facilitators, ministers and congregational leaders. The week will include presentations, hands-on workshops, small group ministry experiences, sharing, networking, informal 'porch chats, worship - and time to enjoy what The Mountain has to offer!
Details and Registration
http://www.smallgroupministry.net/events/mountain.html
====================
Contatct the UU Small Group Ministry Network
UU SGM Network Office
General inquiries and submissions
Diana Dorroh, President
Rev. Helen Zidowecki, Secretary
Susan Hollister, Treasurer
Labels: Conferences, Covenant Group News, General Assembly
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